Is it weird that there is not a single thing that I like about myself?
True story. And I don't really know what to say about it other than that it is an honest assessment of how I feel about myself. That is not to say that I hate myself. I don't. I just don't -value- anything about myself. Which makes me sad, but I really don't know what to do about it.
I just cut bangs. I can't dye my hair anymore and there is only a certain amount of time I can go without doing -something- to my hair. The jury is still out but I am about 92% sure that I like them. Except that I look about 5 years younger when ever I have bangs and I don't even look my age in the first place so I am sure to get carded about 10 times more often than I do when I don't have bangs. Ah well! Too late to change it now!!
Man, taking naps in the middle of the day seriously messes with my sleep schedule. Luckily I have no classes for the rest of this week, so I have time to get it back on track. But the heat (110 or so) plus the hangover meant I basically slept all day. It was glorious. But now.....it is 4 am and I am bored and wish I were asleep.
So I realize that last entry was long and really rambling. That was not how I wanted to return to livejournal. I wanted to be able to put everything into brilliant, concise words. Clearly that can't happen, at least on that particular topic. But oh well. It really did feel good to his the "post" button. I really did feel like all that weirdness and confusion and anxiety went out of me when I hit that button. It's an amazing feeling. It's why when people talk about how they don't get blogging or how ridiculous it is to keep a blog that I just tell them that they need to try it. There really is something inherently freeing about it.
I am hoping I will be able to write more soon. I have been wanting to write stuff, but not stuff to put on myspace or facebook where everyone I know can see. And then I realized....I MISSED MY LIVEJOURNAL! lol
However, the Masters program is sucking my will to live. Seriously, I have basically no life outside of school and this next year is going to be even worse, so I have no idea how often, if ever I will have the time to write. But I hope I will. There are some crazy things going on in my life that I would like to be able to process here. Like meeting my biological father and my 16 year old half sister this coming weekend. Like dealing with the hell that is living with our roommates. Like trying to quit smoking. Like figuring out what the fuck I am going to do once I graduate. Like trying not to self destruct under the stress of school. And I was rereading a bunch of my old entries and I really miss the people that I used to talk to here. :-(
Anyways, I really need to go to bed. I have class in the morning. I -always- have class in the morning. (not really, but it is starting to seem like it. I haven't had a break from classes since March and don't finish summer term until August 27th. Blerg.)
It has been -forever- since I have posted. Basically, I am in my senior year of college. I am attempting to finish my masters program application on time. I am trying to keep up a passing grade. Right now I am taking Research methods and Stats (the 2nd half...), Physiological Psych (Which sucks, but I have a good teacher), Psychopathology of Childhood (which sounds more exciting than it is, but it is still pretty cool), Personal Development (Where you act as a client for grad students) and Capstone. I am SOOOOO excited about my capstone project. I love it. I am working on setting up a mentorship program for queer youth and am helping to set up Gay-Straight-Alliances in local high schools and am sitting in and (eventually hopefully) facilitating a support group for queer youth. I love it.
Additionally, my husband is still amazing. I love him to death and I learn something new about him and us and marriage in general every day (or at least every week :-P) Our puppy is the cutest goddamn thing on the planet and the dog park is my new favorite place in the world. I love dogs so I get my awesome puppy therapy whenever we go there and there are some really amazing, cool people there!
Also, I seem to have finally gotten my medication perfect. My social anxiety is almost gone and my depression is the same. It has however stunted my sex drive a bit, but that isn't saying much. The main issue before was that I had no energy for sex even if I wanted it. Now I have energy for sex if I want sex and have the energy to be talked into it even if I -think- I don't want it ;-)
So....that is my update!!! I hope to be able to post more soon! If anyone is still reading this, hang in there with me!!